Morning, newspaper

On Saturday morning I woke up quite early and decided to spend some time in the sunshine. I made myself a cup of tea and took it out with me in the bamboo cup I normally use for takeaway coffee. Similarly to the day prior, it felt like spring outside – by 10:30 am the sun had already warmed the air and the light breeze that accompanied the quiet morning was fresh, though not chilly.

I set off towards Admiralsbrücke, wanting to loop over the bridge before heading down the canal in the direction of Neukölln. As I strolled slowly, I realised how rarely I get to enjoy this beautiful part of the day – the air is warm yet crisp and the restfully vibrant sense of a new day envelops everything. Filled with breath, I reached the bridge to find a very old lady selling newspapers at its southern tip. Life in Bulgaria has taught me how commonplace it can be for such activity to arise of desperate necessity, and seeing poverty afflict the elderly, particularly elderly women, always spurs a pressing desire to help.

I picked out the latest Die Zeit, which the lady folded for me with utmost care as she wiggled and played with her dentures, revealing a completely bare upper gum. I was happy to relieve the look of despair on her face at the €50 note I initially produced by collecting the necessary €5.50 in coins. I passed the metal money to her as we both took care to not brush each other’s skin. I couldn’t help but smile at the gentle simplicity of this exchange. Not only could I not remember when, if ever, I last bought a newspaper, but the entire interaction on this famous Berlin bridge felt like a surreal glimpse into a time past slowly yet decisively resurrecting into the present. The quiet morning, the lack of people on the street and the unusual vendor all felt like they do not belong to the reality of a 21st century metropolis, and yet are making a stance for the transformed world that might emerge after the pandemic. As I walked away smiling, neatly-folded newspaper under one arm and a bamboo cup full of hot Sideritis tea in the other, I noticed another woman approach the elderly newspaper vendor for her very own read of choice.

All of this filled me with joy. It felt like a sign pointing brightly to the immeasurable beauty of the simplicity that lies so close to each and every one of us. It felt like an affirmation to the idea that infinite detail lies in the most mundane and that we do not need to cross seas or own the world to find happiness in its appreciation. The beauty of a morning, whether in Berlin, Sofia or Mumbai, is gorgeous as it is. It is not its novelty that makes it so, neither the fact it is larger, faster or stronger in any one of these places. Rather, it is its natural state of morningness, in whichever form if may appear, that breathes life into the beholder. It took the slowness and sparseness imposed by a virus, alongside the grin of an elderly lady with no teeth receiving €5.50 from me, to make me feel, in my whole being, that all is complete without needing to strive for it to be so.

The truthful trace / patient grace

To pause from love and take one’s break,

To fret alone, alone to shake,

To think about what’s there to make

And love not so for love’s own sake.

To rest the self and feel the space,

To love but once a many face,

To see how aimless is the chase

And bring to light the truthful trace.

To trust love’s purpose and its place,

To praise its whims with patient grace,

To draw the line, then to retrace

And faith in ease and life to place.

She, the Moon on a Pond

She swims in the pond of driving desires

Deep and vast as it is.

Deep and vast as the skin and the touch

She praises and folds ’round another.

 

Enchanted, the moon wraps her light,

Plump and round as it is.

Plump and round as her mind, in flow,

Releases the body’s desire.

 

Her and the moon draw the thin string

Perilous and tender it is.

Perilous and tender as the love in the stars

That so easily never could be.

 

The moon on a pond, illuminates her –

Loving and gentle she is.

Loving and gentle as the line that she draws

Shimmering brightly for those who can see.

The emotions of a generation …

… shine through the aesthetic of its entertainment.

 

Who are we and where are we headed?

Earlier this week I knowingly purchased a product containing palm oil for the first time in years. It was a box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates, a kind that my mother used to buy for me and my sister as young children growing up in a foreign country. I felt a craving for the sense of comfort and familiarity the taste would bring, indulging in gustatory nostalgia despite my full knowledge of the role palm oil production plays in plunging us deeper into the environmental abyss.

Later that night, I dreamt of a baby orangutan. The anthropomorphic intelligence of the animal shook me deeply, unnerved as I was at the air of comprehension and sadness I saw in its eyes. A sadness whose source was revealed to me but a moment later as the ensuing scene depicted the destruction of native forests propelled by the ‘cost-cutting’ force of palm oil and its use in almost any supermarket-bought confectionary. In what could have easily ended up on the pile of dreams I will never remember, my subconscious awareness retaliated against my conscious profligacy, a duality that encapsulates the angst of my generation – a generation crushed between instant access to gratification and the deepening sense of impending doom that new reports continue to deliver.

A generation that thinks twice about childbearing as we imagine the reality our offspring will face.

A generation in the midst of an identity crisis, where a subtle understanding of our responsibility to act clashes with the paralysing scale and complexity of the existential threats we collectively face.

A generation whose subconscious perceives the imminent disruption in food supplies, the unprecedented migratory flows and the violent conflict that shall ensue as those in possession of what is scarce defend it from the desperate.

A generation in the midst of a technological revolution, hoping with minimal conviction that it shall automatically deliver us from the void.

A generation of dubious financial means disheartened by late capitalism’s recent failures.

A generation that sees meritocracy as little more than a pretentious artifact of the historical imagination.

A generation which knows more and understands less than any previous one.

A generation that sees intellectualism and expertise scorned as the politics of sensationalism feed a myopic short-terminism.

A generation of exuberance and preoccupation with ‘seizing the moment’, afflicted by the numbing weight of epidemic depression.

 

Who am I?

I am a young female living in Berlin.

I dedicate considerable time to securing my material sustenance.

I escape the triviality of my day-to-day through art and conversation. Galleries, clubs and bars, along with the ample entertainment space offered by my flat’s spacious living room, are places where I engage with myself and others on those topics that tickle the intellectual fancy. Surrounded by liberal and artistic people of various walks of life, I am inclined to believe that I roam the traditional breeding grounds of revolutionaries and visionaries; of people who live passion, breathe calling and fear not the criticism of having their naive heads in the clouds; of people who think and feel and exude their essence into the world through artistic output and activism.

Berlin is a beautiful place to meet such people. Dreamers who cannot afford any other European metropolis or ones escaping political disaster in their own countries are drawn to the broken history, the accessible culture and romantic self-abandon (self-destructiveness, perhaps?) so deeply engrained in the city’s image. Young, poor, sexy, all mixing and mingling in the city’s throbbing, distributed vessel: the electronic music scene and its countless dark abodes, big and small.

 

What about the scene? 

Electronic music dominates the clubs, fueling the city’s largest offline platform for meeting strangers and spending one’s time in a blatantly unproductive manner, for hours or days depending on stamina and budget. A dynamic force and living advertisement that draws thousands (hundreds of thousands, perhaps?) and which constitutes a phenomenon of entertainment that has gone truly global. All the cool kids are doing it and the aesthetic it brags carries deeply engrained truths about our generation’s internal state.

We enter the darkness and become one. We flaunt our individuality and sexuality in extravagant fashion, piercings, tattoos. We dispel our fears through self-prescribed anaesthetic, releasing into the numbing wrap of Ketamine and the loving acceptance of MDMA as we speed through another night that shall produce sparse memories and new friends.  ‘Why not?’ we ask as we seek to banish the cognitive burden of the seemingly insurmountable challenges we collectively face. We return to tribalism, aiming to lock our minds into the present, individuals in a larger organism of others who share our skepticism of what tomorrow holds. Visionaries and activists fighting the battle of instant gratification, pushing for equality and freedom on the hyper-localised level of the dance floor. The short-term is king and ‘in the long run we are all dead’ never carried more meaning.

Arguably, this new entertainment is little but the manifestation of a sense of helplessness shared by those who ought to be working towards utopia, but instead surrender to the hypnotism of the repetitive bass-line. Though the concept of the dance club has existed for several decades, gone are the days of happy-go-lucky disco where the world is love and boogying all night carries no sense of trepidation. Today, we stand at the crossroads of dance and atonality, a development in music appearing at the beginning of the previous century. This new form of composition, arising as a strain of the expressionist revolution, took grip in an ‘Old’ continent on the brink of modernity and a world on the brink of destruction at unprecedented scale;  a world about to experience the birth of a binary rivalry in political structure that would shape the entire century to come and one which could sense that something was amiss.

In the words of Théo Lessour (in Berlin Sampler, pg. 13)

In atonal music, ‘gone is the reassuring predictability of melodic modes and motifs, leaving instead a pointed reminder of uncertainty and the fundamentally incoherent nature of things.

The natural bonds of harmony being replaced with an arbitrary feeling of chaos and desolation … simple mathematical coordinates afloat in a spiritually empty vacuum;

Atonality’s recent comeback may prove to be a permanent one. Aside from impending environmental cataclysm, our generation’s sense of emotional paralysis, uncertainty and incoherency are further accentuated by the fact that, unlike people at the start of the previous century, our historical memory already carries extreme frames of reference for what excesses violence can claim.  ‘There until the bitter end’ is a frequent verbalisation of the party’s ending. Or are we still talking about partying?

There is no moral to this story. Rather, it is a piece of social commentary ambitiously aiming to deconstruct the psychology reflected in the aesthetic of Berlin’s entertainment. We find ourselves at a cultural frontier that reverberates through the entire world, carrying with it a truth about an entire generation’s internal state. I know that you know that we all know, and yes, our premonition is correct. Let’s dance fearlessly, together as individuals, until the music stops.

Do not be afraid.